My client recently noticed a strong tendency to sit back in group meetings while her mind criticized everything being discussed. When she finally did speak, it was often to poke holes in the ideas on the table. One day, with a mixture of humor and self-awareness, she said:
"I need to listen for the good."
It was such a simple phrase—and such a powerful re-frame. Because this isn’t just one leader's habit. It’s a reminder we can all use when we get caught in a cycle of negativity and criticism.
A Seductive Habit
This may sound familiar to you. You notice yourself zeroing in on what’s wrong in someone else’s idea, their approach, maybe even their tone of voice. You don’t mean to come across as the contrarian in the room, but gradually your reputation drifts in that direction: the one who points out flaws, who hesitates to commit, who rarely acknowledges the good in what’s happening.
Sometimes this habit has roots in self-protection. By criticizing what others say, something in us hopes to avoid feeling “less than" – bringing others down so we feel above. Ironically, though, this stance often erodes the very influence and trust we want to build as leaders.
And here’s the tricky part: once you notice the pattern, you might see the same critical energy turn on yourself. “Why am I so negative all the time?” Now the inner critic has found a new target.
Shifting the Pattern
What if the shift begins not with forcing ourselves to “be positive,” but with listening differently?
The next time you’re in a meeting—or even in conversation at home—see if you can remember this phrase: Listen for the good.
This doesn’t mean convincing yourself you like an idea you genuinely don’t. It means opening your attention wider. Maybe you start to notice parts of the idea that have promise. Maybe you see the effort someone put in. Maybe you recognize a value—creativity, persistence, boldness—that you want to support.
When you listen this way, you often discover there’s more common ground than your first reaction suggested. And that changes the tone of the whole conversation.
Try It Today
You might even write Listen for the good on a sticky note before your next meeting. It can be a powerful reminder:
Notice the critical voice taking over your inner narrative
Sense how this pattern is boxing you in – narrowing your perception
Letting go of that voice, open up and redirect to "listen for the good"
Over time, this shift changes not only how you see the conversation, but how others see you. You begin to connect more easily, collaborate better, and discover that your knack for spotting flaws becomes a tool you can use wisely rather than something that uses you.
Try it for a week. Listen for the good. See what happens.
