When Maria gets home she can’t seem to let go of thoughts about how she is under-appreciated by her boss and internal clients who seem to expect miracles out of their financial reports. Ethan, a successful, high energy corporate lawyer is often haunted by a sense of dread about the big projects he needs to finally get working on. Susan wakes up too many nights replaying the same thoughts about how her business's cash flow issues are strangling her ability to stay afloat, let alone grow.
If you asked each of these stressed people what’s bothering them, you’d probably hear about time pressure, unsympathetic banks, or poor senior management. They’re not very likely to say “I’ve got an unproductive habit of thinking worrying thoughts.” We tend to look right past the obvious, assuming it’s a necessary part of life. And this is understandable, as we all know how unhelpful the advice to “just stop worrying about that” is.
We worry because, deep down we believe this behavior is accomplishing something.
In other words, we believe in magic. Constructive problem solving, is, of course, a useful exercise. That’s not what we’re talking about. We are talking about the proliferation of repeating thoughts, sensations and emotions about “our problem” that we play over and over again in our heads like a demented DJ.
So is there a way to pull the plug on this guy? Yes there is.
How to Use Mindfulness to Pull the Plug on Habitual Thought
1. Get it. You need to clearly see these thoughts aren’t helping. This means reflecting back on your last bout of worry or anger and asking yourself: "Did that help me? Did that help others"? Don't allow your mind to change these questions into a philosophical exercise about whether worrying would theoretically ever be beneficial. Ask yourself honestly, looking back on this specific case if the mental behavior was beneficial. If possible, recapture the sense that in the moment, it really felt like it was important to play this tune to yourself. Notice how the sense of urgency you felt to replay the thoughts was fooling you into thinking you were actually doing something constructive. Repeat this process a few times until you feel the lesson begin to sink in.
2. Catch and Release. These habits of mind are carved into your brain by very strongly connected pathways. The good news is you’ve built them, so you can un-build them. In step one, you got familiar with the pattern through reflecting on it. Now you can move into real-time action. At the very first moment you recognize these thoughts getting triggered, remind yourself where they lead (nowhere good) and do your best to release them. Try to treat the mind as a well-meaning, but not so helpful friend. “Thanks, but not now, mind!” The earlier you can catch the pattern as it starts playing, the less momentum it has, and the easier it is to release it. This takes practice; remind yourself how important this is to you so you can stick with it.
3. Lift. Start a daily meditation habit if you don’t have one. Evolution and our life's conditioning make it difficult to bring mindful, present moment awareness to situations that are loaded with emotion and hidden beliefs. So we get pushed around by these primitive habits of mind instead. Meditation is the best way to strengthen your attention, mindfulness, and awareness muscles so you won’t get so easily tossed around by the next bit of unwanted news.
